I’m a simple girl with simple tastes, and I am one of millions who was never much of a gamer. We think gamers are a strange breed; a pasty bunch of nocturnal computer geeks with a penchant for Star Trekfigurines and not much love for sunlight.

Secretly though, it’s because we’re intimidated by the dedication and commitment gamers show to mastering a pastime which is completely useless to mankind except as entertainment. Ok, that was kind of backhanded, sorry. I really do mean it’s impressive. Seriously, I can never remember the eight-button combo that will restock my ammo so I can pulverise the mutant demon and get to the next level. I can’t do the special kicks and fight combinations. I try, and I do a pirouette. It's very pretty, but it won’t win the game.

There are thousands, nay millions of others out there just like me. And while our primary interests may vary, one thing unites us all when it comes to computerised adventures on entertainment consoles.
Mario Kart 64.

There is NOTHING not cool about this game. It’s hard to explain why it’s so much fun. Maybe because it’s easy. But then it’s not SUPER easy. I think it’s a combination -bright colours; a simple, linear storyline (Win races. Get trophy); decent skill requirements; a variety of characters- from a princess to a hybrid dinosaur-turtle brute; encouraging, exciting music that for some (bizarre and inexplicable) reason is not annoying; and the best sound effects this side of an M rating.
Personally, the beach course is my favourite. It was the only race where I could consistently make the jump into a short cut (the one through the waterfall) and actually beat my brother (a gamer) occasionally.

It’s a game that everyone can play. Not just gamers and non-gamers like me. But also serious Non-Gamers. Like your parents. Or that strange friend from school who doesn’t have a TV because their parents don’t believe in it. Any other game would turn these people away, but Mario-Kart, like a world tragedy or Boxing Day sales, brings people together. I would go so far as to say it could bring world peace. The US went the wrong way about "winning hearts and minds" in Iraq. They should have just given every family a 64 and a copy of Mario Kart. If we could just get warring factions to sit down together for a quick run of the Star Cup then everyone would be OK. As long as they didn't nuke each other over who gets to be Yoshi. Like my friend Lisa asks, “How else can the world share love other than sharing the secrets of the castle shortcut?”

No other game has such devotion as Mario Kart 64. Sure there are some mighty fan clubs out there for games, but they’re full of gamers. Mario Kart has universal appeal and adoration that transcends all of the bullshit divides plaguing the modern human race.

Seriously, how many other games have their own personal love song?